Track 1 - “99 • 95”

By the window, sunlight seeped through the trees.

His blonde hair glinted, adorned by the light shining into the university classroom. His calm eyes were green. Just like fresh foliage.

The professor’s voice resonated within the classroom. He listened attentively. His long eyelashes cast fluttering shadows on his cheeks from time to time.

I wondered what he was thinking.

What were you thinking?

Was your heart connected to your fingers?

I watched that seemingly God-like man, Frederick, from the corner of the classroom.

The university courtyard was green. Lush trees cast shadows that speckled across the grass. Every student that passed by was older than me.

I got a lengthy message from my mother.

It said that we should stick together, just like we always have. Since we’d always been together at the Hungarian conservatory since I was eleven, she figured we should stay together now too.

But, my mother was in Japan now. She wouldn’t be returning for a while.

After skipping grades and coming to the university, I got used to living alone. I didn’t get lost anymore.

The professor that brought me here told me it was better that my mother wasn’t around. That I should be attending classes on my own.

How should I reply to my mother?

After thinking about it, I decided to respond later since I didn’t know.

A man lounged across a long bench, and his head perked up when I walked by.

He was one of the professor’s students. Someone that never attended any classes. I didn’t think he was like Frederick, since he had brown hair and blue eyes.

“Yo, Tadzio¹. Why don’t you sit here for a bit and chat?”

His name was Solomon. I’d heard of him before.

Solomon called me Tadzio. When I told him my name was Kuguri, he chuckled and said, “A pretty and mysterious boy like you oughta be called Tadzio.”

When I didn’t respond, he asked, “Don’t you know ‘Death in Venice’?² Is music all you study? That’s probably why your playing sounds so lifeless.”

I looked away from him and walked into the classroom, the scent of alcohol still lingering.

He confused me at first, but now I don’t bother with him.

For practice, I prepared Liszt’s transcendental etude, “No. 1 《Preludio》”.

I really like Liszt’s music. It’s simple and it suits me.

Once I finished playing, the professor asked, “Are you satisfied with your rendition of the piece? What do you think?”

I gave it some thought.

I wondered how my mother would answer… That’s usually what my thought process was, since my mother was usually the one to interpret music.

Yet, the professor narrowed his eyes a bit and shook his head.

“Just your thoughts, Kuguri. I want to hear your take on it.”

Words caught in my throat, unable to come out.

While I was struck silent, the professor’s gaze softened.

“…Have you made any friends yet?”

I responded with “Nein”. Since I hadn’t.

How are friends even made anyway?

“You need to focus on your personal maturity before focusing on your piano ability. Clear your schedule this weekend, and try to start practicing conversations with people, Kuguri.”

Of course, I agreed. Because that’s what I was supposed to do.

I was invited to the professor’s home for the weekend. It was pretty close to the university.

There were about 20 people at the gathering, and there was plenty of food spread on the table.

Everyone was drinking since they were all adults, but not me. The law here said that even people my age are permitted to drink, but I’d never had any.

“Isn’t that the genius that skipped grades and got into the school when he turned eleven?”

“How old is he now? He’s still a kid, right?”

“He’s seventeen.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding. It’s hard to tell how old Asian people are.”

My older classmates started to crowd me and say things. I didn’t really know how to answer any of them, but something gave me the feeling none of them expected me to reply anyway.

There was shouting, giggling, and the sound of glass breaking from the other side of the room.

A man was sprawled out on the stairs somewhere in the back. I noticed broken glass and spilled booze at his feet. It was Solomon, the guy who called me Tadzio.

“A playboy, huh…” An older student growled, “He woulda been kicked out ages ago if he wasn’t the professor’s lapdog…”

I turned to look out the window… and saw Frederick.

He stood there alone, gazing out over the garden. His blonde hair shone gently in the sunlight. Behind his long eyelashes were his green eyes, glittering like diamonds.

“Kuguri.”

The professor appeared out of nowhere and led me away.

Towards the window—towards him.

My heart… pounded in my chest.

Frederick turned and looked at me.

“This is Frederick, a student of mine with the highest potential. Along with you, of course,” the professor introduced.

He said it was nice to meet me. I reciprocated.

But in all honesty, I already knew him.

One-sidedly. Selfishly… I knew both him and his piano.