Track 4 - “0 《Mazeppa》“

In the dark, there was a piano.

I was seated at it. Above me, a brilliant light cast down, illuminating me and the piano like a spotlight.

Absolute silence. Nothing else was present.

Just me and the piano.

I reached for the array of keys.

It was like a cruel, ruthless maiden in black and white. Never easily swayed, no matter how many feelings were poured out to her, she might still turn away. Yet when she’d turn, the hem of her elegant dress would flutter, revealing everything beneath it.

I played the first note. With that, I began Mazeppa.

The introduction was full of heavy chords that invoked a looming feeling something was about to happen. The melody is played from a three part staff¹. The beginning of the piece simulated the wild galloping of horses from the hero Mazeppa’s famous poem². The sound raged like a storm, becoming waves that collided over and over.

I became lost within the waves of sound and imagined my body and hand movements. Any restrictions on my body dissipated, my muscles moved fluidly, and strong, steady sounds flowed from the piano.

Yeah… this sound.

The sound of raging currents.

Specifically, the sound of wild, galloping horses. That’s what I wanted to express―

At the beginning of the second movement, the piece morphed into something more like a gentle slumber.

…Your tempo rubato was wonderful, Kuguri.

Those dreamlike words―

The memory of Frederick’s smile comforted me.

――This is proof of my existence.

I heard my mother’s old voice, just barely audible, at that moment.

――The more flawless your piano playing is, the more my existence can be solidified too.

Was that love? With that doubt, my mother’s voice grew distant.

Within Frederick’s green eyes, I saw a glimpse of youth. Glittering blonde hair, a beaming smile, and a child who played with sound as if it were magic. In the evening light, he told me…

――That was fun, Kuguri!

We had promised to play “Liebestraum” together next time…

Gorgeous melodies pour out from my fingertips.

Things as beautiful as those were spilling out from within me. Am I as beautiful as these sounds?

It’s fun.

Playing the piano is fun―

Then the music became more intense again. It transformed into a heroic, courageous, and violent sound. One that parallelled the valiant battles of the once rising hero, Mazeppa.

A 6/8 time animato, allegro deciso in 2/4 time. Più moderato, D major, vivace³. I lifted my fingers up high.

It was like I was dreaming, I became one with the hero Mazzeppa and bravely held my sword. I struck the keys with my entire being. My muscles creased and flexed. The piano creaked, my sweat flew.

――I will rise again!

……Il tombe enfin… et se relève Roi!⁴

I opened my eyes.

The final notes faded, and the stage was left in absolute silence. There wasn’t any applause, and the spotlight that was shining onto the piano had disappeared.

I looked up at the sky, gasping for breath.

Beyond the endless abyss of darkness came a sharp crackling sound. A large crack ran across the sky, and light poured through it.

I watched as the sky broke.

Into pieces.

Violently.

Then, the sky fell.

My body started trembling. There was some sort of thudding sound. My arms had fallen off and were rolling across the floor.

…When I woke up, I was in a hospital room.

In the sterile white room, I heard the sound of my heart beating.

I was alive.

――I have to go to the competition.

I had to go to the airport, and call Frederick…

As I thought about it, I realized it was all over. That chance wouldn’t come back anymore.

My arms were gone. I could still feel them, but they’d completely disappeared from my sight.

Did I end up playing Mazeppa in the end?

No, I didn’t… I couldn’t.

The world felt distorted. I couldn’t grasp the overwhelming emotions flooding in. Intertwined behind my closed eyes were Frederick’s smile, his fingers, the chill of the piano, and a broken world…

Not even my mother came to visit me.