Because It’s a Torte I’d Eat Everyday

In my family, obsessive devotion was mandatory.

They even had a whole training program for it.

Pretty crazy, right? Haha.

Back when I was a kid and had my rebellious phase, or maybe it was just puberty, I started comparing my family to others. I’d tilt my head in confusion and wonder, “Isn’t mine kind of crazy? Isn’t this weird?”

That’s when I started questioning things and acting out.

No, wait. Even now, my family probably still thinks I’m someone who never stopped acting out. So in a way, I’ve kinda-sorta been disowned… which is why I get to live however I want now.

I can’t really say that I’ve come to terms with it, but I kinda just don’t care anymore.

I’ve made my own peace with it… with my family’s twisted traditions.

“Hold on, what do you mean ‘obsessive devotion was mandatory?’” Kuon asked, noisily sipping on some cute little strawberry milkshake thing.

Between his innocent demeanor and baby face, you could’ve told me he’d just been shipped fresh from some wholesome elementary school, and I’d probably believe you.

Yet, his ears were covered in enough piercings it’d make you think he was in a gang.

His name was Kuon Mashu, a guy with just the right blend of innocence and sophistication.

“Unc just doesn’t get all those weird tangents you youngsters keep going on…~ Like, what’s so ‘crazy’ about it, anyway?”

As you can probably tell from his unsual choice of first person pronoun, Kuon calls himself “Unc”.

He even wants people to call him that. He’s such a weird guy.

Well, as long as he keeps it together on stage, I guess he can do whatever he wants in private.

“So, basically—”

We were at my usual café.

Or wait, every café in town is basically one of my usual spots as far as I know. But out of all of those, this one’s been my favorite lately.

Maybe it’s because the owner’s such a grouch that there are hardly any customers (although, these days places like that tend to go viral online for all the wrong reasons and end up completely empty). Which I don’t mind one bit.

So even if you have a strange conversation with a bunch of weridos, nobody really bats an eye.

I, for one, like to think that I’m an ordinary guy with nothing particularly interesting about me, but, for some reason, every single person that ends up around me turns out to be a character.

Just walking around town is enough to attract attention. Although, I guess that might just be because we’ve gotten so popular as idols lately.

So, I’ve been told not to go wandering around too much.

Whaaatever.

I’m going to do things the way I want to.

It’s worked out just fine for me so far, so what’s the issue?

“You know my family’s one of those old, kind of aristocratic families, right?”

“Mhm… but I never really heard the details, though.”

Kuon let out a little “erp!” sounding burp, probably because he’d gotten heartburn from drinking something so sweet. He quickly covered his mouth with an embarrassed look. Everything he does is so adorable… for someone who insists on being an Unc.

“From all the lil things you say and do, I kinda figured you came from a good family. You’ve got this kinda aura of refinement that an Unc like me raised in a circus could never pull off, you know?”

“Maybe if you put on a suit and acted all polite… Nah, never mind. You’d probably end up looking like you dressed for Shichi-Go-San ¹.”

“Exactlyyy. I wouldn’t be able to hide my Unc vibes, though.”

“I really don’t get what your idea of an ‘Unc’ is supposed to be.”

“Come to think of it, I think you mentioned something about it in an interview before. Um… It had a kaiju² sounding name… Z something…?”

“The Z.K. Zaibatsu. It’s an old family that migrated from Japan after the war. My family is one of their branch families, or something.”

I never bothered digging into it since it didn’t interest me, so I couldn’t really blame Madoka for not caring about everything either.

It makes me realize that I’m just like him, and that’s not exactly a glowing endorsement of my character. I should probably work on that.

“They got caught up in what’s called the zaibatsu dissolutions³ and fell into decline. Nowadays, another zaibatsu by the name of Tenshouin holds the dominant position in Japan.”

“Oh! I’ve heard of them. Look, even this paper cup was made by them.”

“Those guys really just do everything, huh.”

“I think their more famous things were an airline and candy company? Or wait, were those just companies that were just affiliated with them?”

“Well, the Tenshouin clan seems like the type to do just about everything a zaibatsu would. Which is a little bit of everything. Recently, it looks like they’ve been really active in the idol industry, so they’re not exactly unrelated to us anymore.”

“Oh, are they the group behind that ‘ES’ thing that everyone’s been making a fuss about lately?”

“Haha. Maybe we should start studying up on politics and economics too.”

“Wouldn’t that be the kinda thing big shots like your cousin⁴ think about instead, Juis-kun?”

“He doesn’t care about that kinda thing either. How do I put this… He’s the kind of person who’s only interested in more… abstract things.”

“Abstract things?”

“Like love.”

“Is he living in a shoujo manga?”

“It’s amazing that someone like that can live so carefree in this corrupt world. Not only is he surviving, but apparently he’s even trying to rope ES into it and seize dominance.”

“People are more into abstract things than you’d think, after all.”

“Like love.”

For no particular reason, we gave each other a knowing look for a moment, then we burst out laughing. Then, for no reason again, we clinked our paper cups together in a toast.

Ah… life really is wonderful.

“…And who gave you permission to flirt with my Juis, newcomer?”

While Kuon was still giggling like a little girl, Madoka suddenly appeared behind him with a dramatic “hmph!”. Where did he even come from? Is he a ninja or something?

Besides, I’m not Madoka’s property. If anything, wouldn’t it be the other way around?

“Did you wish to yet again debate who dominates who? You seem to like that, Juis.”

“Aren’t you the one that likes those debates, Madoka? More importantly, where did you come from?”

“‘Here I was having such a nice time drinking tea with the newcomer’, is that what you’re thinking? Oh, how envious I am. Whatever must I do to make your heart mine, Juis?”

“Why is Unc catching strays~? No fair…”

Unbothered and unsurprised by even Madoka’s bizarre behavior, Kuon’s gaze suddenly wandered elsewhere. Honestly, growing up in a circus surrounded by all kinds of strange things had given him an absurdly high tolerance for the weird.

What happened? Did he see a ghost or something?

“No, but there’s someone here that looks a lot like one. Heeey~! You always do this Chitose-kun. Why don’t you come and join the conversation instead of standing by yourself?”

“Oh, sure… but it’s fine. I’m happy just watching.”

Sure enough, the last member of our four-person unit, Tsuzura Chitose, smiled contentedly and gave us a bashful wave.

He’s technically the oldest in the group, but there’s just something so cute about the way talks and acts.

“Hehe. Hey, what were you two talking about? It looked like you were having fun.”

“We were just talking about love.”

After I said that, Kuon and I exchanged a glance and laughed again. Then, Madoka pulled a kitchen knife out of literally nowhere and began slowly pointing it between us.

“To die, or to kill… that is the question.” ⁵

“What kinda cursed Hamlet are you?”

I’ve always wondered this, but is he like… okay? Is he even sane?

“Alright, that’s enough messing around. Oh right, I just remembered why I called you all here. I thought we should go over our next job.”

“Oh, yeah! When you two didn’t show up at the meeting time, Unc started wondering if he’d messed something up.”

After tossing his empty paper cup into the trash with an easy flick, Kuon nimbly rose to his feet.

“Unc’s finished his drink, so he’s going to go grab a refill. I can order something for you guys, too. Is there anything you all wanna drink?”

“I’d like to drink the blood you spill while you writhe in agony, newcomer.”

“Oh, um… I don’t really know what to get, so I’ll let you decide.”

“Same here. My usual’s fine.”

“Wow. You guys all found completely different ways to make ordering drinks hard. Can you not?”

After hearing all our answers, Kuon grimaced. Then, without another word, he headed straight for the drink counter.

Well. If we leave it to him, he’s bound to pick the best option.

Kuon might be the newest member of our group, but he’s been performing longer than any of us have. Maybe it’s because he grew up in a circus, but in some ways he’s got more life experience than the rest of us. You can always count on him.

He just gets what makes a group work.

In all honesty, we were in desperate need for someone like him.

I’ll admit I tend to do my own thing without paying much attention to the people around me. Madoka’s a lunatic, and Chitose’s a good guy but… he has absolutely no social skills.

As I was busy offering my prayers to Unc, Madoka suddenly popped into view with another dramatic “hmph!”.

“I. Hate. That. Guy. He. Must. Be. Eliminated.”

“What was that, Madoka? Your intelligence suddenly regressed a bit.”

“Hehe. Nozomi-san, you’re the smartest person I know… but when it comes to Juis-san you get so silly. It’s actually kind of cute—ghGHK?! Huh?! You’re resorting to violence? Could you maybe not?”

After seeing Tsuzura panic with the look of a man who had truly been wronged, Madoka let out a sigh, dragged his chair right over to mine, and sat down. He was sitting really close. Not that I minded.

“So? When are you going to dump that newcomer and marry me instead?”

“Wait, huh? You’re already at that base? So exciting…♪”

“What are you talking about?”

Unnnnc, could you come back alreadyyy~? Talking to these two really makes me feel like an astronaut who crash landed on an alien planet.

“Well, you said something about how you were talking about love—”

“No. It was just an inside joke that came up in the middle of the conversation. We were actually talking about my… family situation.”

“Oh! Juis-san, you’re from some kind of aristocratic family, aren’t you?”

Instead of just sitting with us, Tsuzura for some reason went out of his way to sit in the chair furthest from us as he spoke nonchalantly. Seriously, his voice is so quiet. He really should move in closer.

“In other words, Juis and I are of different social classes—A forbidden love that can never be. I do find myself quite intrigued.”

“Woah, amazing… It’s like something out of a romance drama. Not that I would know…”

“……”

“Sorry to keep ya waitiiiing~! What’d I miss? Think Unc can catch up?”

When Unc came back, I could practically see a halo behind his head.

Unc, AKA Kuon, went around placing drinks in front of everyone with his usual charming smile.

“Alright! An iced coffee for Nozomi-kun since you really need to chill, a hot chocolate for Chitose-kun since you really need to cheer up, and for Juis-kun… I tried to think of what you’d want without any hints, but eventually I gave up and asked the waiter what your usual was. I got you a regular black tea.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Kuon. Thanks a lot, really.”

“Really? Aren’t you being a little dramatic, Juis-kun.”

“Don’t get along so well with that newcomer right in front of me. My heart can hardly bear the jealousy.”

“Are you sure it’s really jealousy that’s inside you, Madoka? What if it’s one of those aliens that live inside people?”

At this point, the conversation had sidetracked far enough. So, I decided to put an end to the theatrics and get back to the story.

Whaaatever. It’s not all that important, anyway. I wanted to get to talking about work, so let’s wrap all that up.

I filled in the two that showed up late on the things I’d already told Kuon, throwing in a few extra details as I went (I also glanced at the clock and realized they showed up three whole hours late… I’m almost impressed at their complete lack of common sense).

“And that’s why my family’s Z.K. Zaibatsu is eternally in second place. No matter what they do, they just can’t seem to take the number one spot.”

That’s also why they decided to put all their eggs in one basket.

Since they had no chance at beating the Tenshouin Zaibatsu even if they spread themselves thin, so they decided to focus everything on a single area.

“Woahhh… amazing. I don’t really get it though…”

“No. Chitose, you of all people should get it. Not that it’s any of my concern, but you have a habit of trying a bit of everything and end up failing.”

Come to think of it, Tsuzura and Madoka have known each other for quite a while, and that’s exactly why it’s such a pain whenever these two aliens get up to something.

“Yeah. Basically, instead of trying to get good at everything—like Tsuzura—they decided to carve out an area where they could just say that was the one thing the Tenshouin Zaibatsu couldn’t beat them in.”

“Like what? Having a cooler name or something?”

“Well, Z.K. is a pretty good spin on zekkei⁶, but that’s not what I meant. The Z.K. Zaibatsu wanted everyone in the organization to specialize in one particular field.”

“Ohhh… So that’s what you meant by making obsessive devotion mandatory?”

“Yeah. The catch is, who obsesses over what isn’t something they get to decide themselves. The higher-ups look at each child’s talents, decide on their own, assign the kid a field, and make them stick with it.”

“If you were forced to obsess over something you were viscerally repulsed by, that would be hell.”

“No, Madoka. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s hell.”

It really was hell.

Most people under the Z.K. Zaibatsu ended up gradually losing their sanity until they were reduced to Obsessive Devotees.

Human beings aren’t made to love just one single thing.

The fact that so many married couples who vowed to love each other for life end up divorced is proof enough.

Of course, plenty of couples stay together with obsessive de—I mean, true love. Maybe… that’s exactly how humanity has survived this long.

But the obsession the Z.K. Zaibatsu forces on people is more like an arranged marriage. Someone else decides to play matchmaker and picks your partner for you.

And from that moment onward, you’re never allowed to love anyone except the person they chose for you.

The people that could endure something like that were the minority.

So the only people in the Z.K. Zaibatsu who stayed sane were the lucky few whose assigned obsession just happened to be a good fit for them, like Lady Amanohashidate. She’s rumored to be the next head of the main family.

And there’s my cousin from one of the branch families. He was already crazy to begin with, so forcing more insanity on him somehow made him come full circle and seem almost normal.

And then there’s me. Maybe the higher-ups gave up on me… or maybe I’m just the one person they let do as they please.

“So, what were you forced to love, Juis?”

“Cafés, maybe? Juis-kun practically lives in them.”

“Ah, I see… So that’s why.”

They can all make their own guesses, but I’m keeping the right answer a secret.

In fact, from an outsider’s perspective, my relationship with the “arranged marriage partner” that I was forced to love would probably come off as pretty stable.

The very image of a happily married couple. One that serves as a model marriage.

No matter how badly things are falling apart behind closed doors.

By doing what I’m supposed to, I’ve earned the relatively free position that I have now.

That’s why, even if it’s a lie, I’ll keep spewing words of love just as I always have.

“Well then. Let’s leave the small talk at that and actually talk about work.”

With a smile.

Like I can’t contain just how happy I am.

“Today, let’s talk about the thing we all love. Idols.”

No matter how awful the food is…

If I keep eating it every day while telling myself “It’s good, It’s so good”… maybe someday I’ll truly believe that it is.